Four Mums in a Boat – Can rowing an ocean transform you?

Four friends who rowed 3000 miles, broke a world record and learned a lot about life along the way 

She is a 52-year-old business woman from Leeds, North Yorkshire. She is married with two children. She and her group of three other working mums from Yorkshire made history and achieved their dreams, by crossing the Atlantic in 67 days and picking up a world record: the oldest women to row any ocean, all to raise money for charity and inspire others.  

Can rowing an ocean transform you?
I think to answer such a question you have to first understand the reason why you would decide to row an ocean. As with any transformation there is often an initial epiphany or realisation that perhaps your current situation is not exactly the way you want it to be or that you want more from life.
For me, rowing an ocean was more a case of wanting more from life, doing it to live life rather than escape life. It was about the challenge of a new experience that perhaps at that particular time I was yearning for. I had just sold my company which I had spent a good 18 years building and my worry was “what will I do now”. Would there be an empty space in my life? The opportunity to row the Atlantic Ocean came just at the right time. It would be my next challenge and a very different one to what I was used to. Running a business is very different to a more physical challenge. As it turned out it was to be the steppingstone and transformation that would help me through one of the biggest changes in my life.
Much as in transformation when you set out to row an ocean the future state is completely unknown. You have no way of knowing what it is like to row an ocean until you do it. As I stood at the helm of our small rowing boat and we left the shore of La Gomera I knew I was leaving a part of me behind. I knew that I would face challenges I had never faced before and I knew that there was a chance it would make me a different person when I got to the end of my journey. I was certain that I would stay on the boat come hell or high water and I knew I would make it. What I didn’t know at all was what the journey would entail. It doesn’t matter how much preparation you do: You can’t prepare for the unknown.
Transformation comes through trial and error, making mistakes and learning from those mistakes – the process emerges as you go. In many respects this is also how it goes when you row an ocean: You are operating in the unknown – that scary unpredictable place where stress skyrockets and emotions run high.   

I learnt even more about leadership on that boat. 

Being the skipper was always going to be challenging on a boat with four very strong, at times emotional women (I include myself here). I had to learn to change my ways, I had to learn what worked and what didn’t work. There was no way I was going to get the best out of the rest of the crew if I didn’t change my attitude. I have flaws in my personality, I have my good points and I have my bad points, like anyone. On a journey like we were on it doesn’t matter who you are; you can’t possibly stop your true personality shining through. It will show every crack in your armour and all those traits you try your best not to expose, well they just come right on leaping out. I was not immune to not being able to control the less pleasing side of my personality, none of us were. I shouted at Helen, I think within the first few days, it was the wrong way for me to handle the situation. I wasn’t tolerant with Niki when she was worried and depressed. I was envious of Frances, she seemed to be able to find it so easy to switch off, go into the cabin and have her alone time. I struggled to do that, especially during the first couple of weeks. I would be continually looking at the instruments, checking for water ingress, tidying up in an OCD way keeping the deck clear, checking the safety lines – it probably drove them all mad. The first ten days were probably the hardest being the skipper. For one thing I hardly got any sleep at all, every time something went wrong all I would here was “Janette”, “Janette”. You can get sick of hearing your own name. I would respond, go and see what the problem was and then fumble my way through trying to sort it out. I learnt very quickly not to be such a control freak and that being skipper did not mean I could not rely on the rest of the team. In fact, as soon as I let go the others stepped up. That was all that was needed: We all had different skills and we all were good at some things and bad at other things, so we worked this out and life as skipper became easier. I was used to being a leader in my business but being on a rowing boat in the middle of the ocean puts different pressures on you. I learnt even more about leadership on that boat. It’s true when people say you never stop learning. I became more tolerant, a bit more patient and realised that I could not put other people under the same pressure I tend to put myself under. 

I realised what is important in life.

I try to practice the things I learnt on the boat, being more patient, more tolerant and not expecting of others what I expect of myself. I am the same person – my husband, children and friends say I am no different. However I feel different inside, I have transformed in some small ways. When I was in the middle of the ocean and desperately missing my family I realised what is important in life. I did not miss any material things, not in the way I missed my family. Yes, it was uncomfortable but my lowest moments were when I thought about my family. I know now that whatever happens in my life my family and my friends will always be the most precious and most important part of my life. It is not the house, the car, the clothes – those things don’t mean anything. I didn’t miss them like I missed the smile of my husband, the hugs of my children, the love and the laughter of my friends and family. I try to spend more time with my family and friends now I know how precious that time is.
The opportunity to learn more about the ocean and ocean life also had a big impact on me personally. It’s a beautiful world that belongs to some beautiful wild life. When I left the shores of La Gomera I was not aware of how polluted the ocean is. Spending 67 days on the ocean and seeing the amount of rubbish in it was like a revelation. I am very conscious of our environment now and especially the way we treat it. I worry about our oceans and I do think we need to do more to protect them and the beautiful life within them. It was a privilege to experience the ocean – a world that belongs to the wildlife that lives within it – and it is wrong for us to continue to destroy their world. 

When I came back I was more calm and less worried about the future. 

Before I set off to row the ocean there was big change in my life going from selling a business to wondering what to do next and how I would fill that hole. The ocean helped me through that period of my life, it helped me through the change. Water can be very calming and I learnt to be calm and at peace on the ocean, so when I came back I was more calm and less worried about the future. I do what I enjoy now and spend time with the people I want to be with.  Yes there are some things I have to do that I don’t like but when I have a choice I choose what makes me happy. I do more to help other people, I enjoy seeing other people do well and thrive and now I have some time I can do that. I like challenges – have always been that way – and I will continue to challenge myself. Is this transformation? Probably. 

Janette Benaddi 

Janette Benaddi on youtube:

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=KwVrYWHjqLI&t=8s 

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